December 9, 2013

An Open Letter to Catholics Contemplating Divorce...

You're Stupid. Let me I don't care if you have an IQ of 184, or an MBA in Computer Science, you are still stupid. You are the most selfish and unchivalrous of males or you are the most prideful and unfeminine of makes no difference, really. If you have kids, you should know better. If you have kids 5 or younger, count your blessings because they have a chance to grow up without a memory of you. If you have kids older than 25, count yourself lucky because they have a life of their own they can bury themselves in to forget you. If your kids are anywhere in between, get ready for a lifetime of broken parent-child relationships, egg-shell conversations and constant love-hate relationships. Get ready for dozens of Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, and Birthday non-replies to your cards, letters and gifts. Get ready for no contact between you and some of your sons or daughters for 2, 3 or maybe 23 years. But mostly, get ready if you are one of the hundreds of Catholic husbands or wives who are still very much in Love with their spouse, try and apply moral and religious teachings to what has happened to their family or who try and re-educate their children to the fact that "happiness" does not trump religion.

You will fight a losing battle of emotions over morals. You will get bloodied and bruised trying not to be too negative towards petitioner-Mom or petitioner-Dad as you attempt to balance the moral duties of explaining to your kids the inherent errors vs being labeled psychologically imbalanced explaining the moral errors to your errant spouse. You will be ostracized and marginalized for the same mistakes your spouse has made. You will be accused of being hypocritical, pathetic and a liar. You will be constantly fighting your own doubts of the Love you profess for your spouse and kids, because you cannot get the plaintive " can't possible love Mom/Dad/us kids as much as you say because you're forcing us/we/them to do something we don't want to do. You're selfish." out of your mind. You will be expected to wind and adapt to the tortuous path of spousal/child relationships from outside the divorce box by caving to the whims and wishes of spouse/kids to just let things alone and let everyone "move on", though what that would entail would be the surrender of your moral duty on the one hand, and charity and justice on the other. You will be worn down with bone-deep fatigue from maintaining your moral position as you leave a three hour meeting with your spouse, while trying hard not to succumb to the tears welling in your eyes. You will be worn down by the knowledge of your own frailties within the marriage, by your own sins, and by your own personal weaknesses, all which contributed to the strangled marital relations, yet knowing that although you have been forgiven by Christ himself, there is no human forgiveness forthcoming, at least not in your lifetime. And that is, in itself, another Cross you must bear - for the sake of your family, your spouse and yourself.

Are you ready for all this? Are you ready for the constant struggle with self, spouse and family? You had best have a very, very solid foundation in your Catholic Faith and understand that "...for better, for worse...til death we do part." means just that. And that if you do, it means a natural lifetime with all of the above, in addition to all the associated heartache and heartbreaks you will experience. You will be - if you fully understand what your vows before God, spouse and priest mean - stuck in a lifetime as the third leg of an unrequited Love triangle and/or as a spouse-with-no-spouse who still wears a wedding ring. You will be accused of lying by your kids if you still think/believe yourself still married or of accused of living in a fantasy world if you still refer to "husband" or "wife" among friends and family.

Finally, you will face the reality of living and dying, alone and unloved, by those who forever will have a hold on the deepest recesses of your Heart. And most importantly, you will face the reality of living and dying, alone and unloved, except by the One Person who truly matters - Our Lord Jesus Christ.

But how many of you can say you are ready for all the above, when you haven't yet lived the life that will answer the question? When you haven't yet stood beneath His Cross, bruised and bloodied, alone and unafraid. When your bravado will be put to the test and you do not know if you will even succeed in passing? Do you really want to chance it?

Get on your knees before the Altar of Christ and beg - BEG - his intercession within your marriage NOW! Do not wait, or you will face all of the above and much more. You do not know what you ask of yourselves or your children and you have the worst form of pride if you think you do. Get on your knees NOW and ask for Divine Guidance from your Most Holy Mother, seek priestly or professional counseling and save your marriage, your family and your Souls.

Copyright 2013 David Heath - All Rights Reserved