March 28, 2014

Marriage, Fairy Tales and the Happiness Factor

As the victim of an wanted and unsolicited divorce and annulment, and still Faithful to my vows and the Mother of my children, I have told my kids - all teens and older - many of the same things that are related in the article below, almost word for word. After four years, I believe I have made some small advancement in the understanding of some that are still estranged from me and who still hold that all the marital woes are mine to own. Leticia Adams has given validity to the Truth - the Catholic Truth - of my counsels to the kids to the contrary and in the process supported this Father in catechizing his kids. Enough so that I have sent them emails and copied this article for their hopeful edification and understanding. 

I wrote them that if they are not prepared for what I, Mrs. Adams and countless others have done and are doing - namely, defending our marriages and our spouses and sanctifying each other in the process  - then they had better not ever pronounce an "I Do" before Christ and spouse until they are. 

Leticia Adams has hit a very broad nail head I've been fighting since day one with the kids - the "Happiness Factor". I've always said you can't debate emotions, you can't discuss anything where emotions predominate, and you will never change minds or opinions deeply rooted in an emotional position, which is all the "Happiness Factor" is - emotions. Reason must take hold first and - balanced by emotions to a degree - only then can some gain be made to steer those in error back to True North. I am hopeful this article starts that process with my kids. I have been too long away from some and still miss them dearly...

Simcha Fisher's referenced article is also an extremely valuable companion to what Leticia Adams has written and well worth the time it takes to read both. These two writers speak with much needed in-the-trench marital wisdom. Thank you both...


 | 03-26-AD2014 [14]
Leticia AdamsI read this piece by Simcha Fisher that was a response to this piece by Emma Smith on Catholic Exchange. I thought I would add my piece. I feel like I have a different point of view than both Simcha Fisher and Emma Smith, but I agree with Simcha when she says that marriage is “a tangled ball of good intentions and bad habits, unhealed wounds and unfounded desires.” These words should be written on the top of every single sheet of paper handed to a couple preparing for marriage, in or out of the Catholic Church.
My life experience includes having a child out of wedlock at seventeen, being in an invalid marriage with a drug addict and being married in the Church to the love of my life, thinking that God would protect me from ever being hurt by my husband simply because we were in a valid Catholic marriage. Having been where I’ve been, I think that the root problem is that many people think that marriage is an escape from the hurts of the world. I don’t really know if it comes from the fairy tales or romantic movies, but I do know that in a society like ours that is creating wounded human beings because of divorce and broken homes, and people just want relief. Relief from pain, being unloved, the heartache that comes with living in a broken home and a loss of sense of self.
We are generations deep in the broken home norm, and these generations are also the furthest away from any kind of faith. They are the “nones” as people like to say. They don’t believe in God and they have no religious affiliation. Yet they are the ones in the most pain. They are left looking for love. Their parents didn’t do it and they have no clue who God is so they can’t have faith in Him to do it.  They are left wandering the world looking for that one person who will love them, validate them, and keep them safe. And that is a huge mistake.
Read the rest at Catholic Stand. The link to the article is here...

Copyright 2014 David Heath - All Rights Reserved


                                      Rev. Fr. Leonard Goffine's
                                  The Church's Year

Photo: America Needs Fatima

              FOURTH SUNDAY IN LENT 

INTROIT Rejoice, O Jerusalem, and come together all you that love her; rejoice with joy you that have been in sorrow: that you may exult, and be filled from the breasts of your consolation. (Isai: LXVI. 10. 11.) I rejoiced at the things that were said to me: We shall go into the house of the Lord. (Ps. CXXI. 1.) Glory be to the Father, etc.

EPISTLE (Gat. IV. 22-31.) Brethren, it is written that Abraham had two sons; the one by a bond-woman and the other by a free-woman. But he who was of the bond-woman was born according to the flesh; but he of the free-woman was by promise: which things are said by an allegory. For these are the two testaments. The one from Mount Sina, engendering unto bondage, which is Agar: for Sina is a mountain in Arabia, which hath affinity to that Jerusalem which now is, and is in bondage with her children. But that Jerusalem which is above is free, which is our mother. For it is written: Rejoice, thou barren that bearest not: break forth and cry, thou that travailest not; for many are the children of the desolate, more than of her that hath a husband. Now we, brethren, as Isaac was, are the children of promise. But as then he that was born according to the flesh persecuted him that was after the spirit, so also it is now. But what saith the scripture? Cast out the bond-woman and her son: for the son of the bond-woman shall not be heir with the son of the free-woman. So, then, brethren, we are not the children of the bond-woman, but of the free: by the freedom wherewith Christ hath made us free.

EXPLANATION  It was the common custom, in the days of the patriarchs, for a man to have more than one wife. This was permitted by God, partly because they and their descendants would hardly have been satisfied with one marriage, (Matt. XIX. 8.) partly because bigamy was a means of promoting the increase of the people of Israel, typical of the future increase of the children of God. Thus Abraham had two wives, who had each a son; of these Ismael was born to Abraham from his bond-woman Agar, in the natural way; the other, Isaac, the son of the free wife Sara, was born in a supernatural manner according to the promise, (Gen. XVIII. 11. 14. ) that she by the grace of God, although aged, would give birth to a son. These two women with their sons were types, as St. Paul says, of the two Testaments: Agar the bond-woman typified the Old, Sara, the free-woman, the New Testament; the son of Agar, the Jews, the son of Sara, the Christians; for the Jews, like Ismael, are descendants of Abraham by natural descent, but the Christians, like Isaac, by grace. The Old Testament gave birth only to servants; for the Jews obeyed the commandments of God through fear of punishment, and in hope of temporal reward; the New Testament, the Jerusalem from above. that is, the Christian Church, gives birth to children who willingly and through love obey the commandments of God. Although the Christian Church, the New Jerusalem, chosen from heathenism, was in the beginning barren, as was Sara, she gives birth, by the grace of God and through His apostles, to more children than the Jewish Church, which was so long the Church of God, that is, more were converted to Christianity from the Gentiles than from the  Jews. The latter even hated and persecuted the Christians, as did Ismael his brother Isaac. For their hardness of heart they were cast out by God, like Agar and her son; that is, after the destruction of Jerusalem the Jews were dispersed to all parts of the world. Let us, therefore, give thanks to God, that through Jesus we have become the free children of our heavenly Father, who through love fulfil His holy will by which we shall be saved.

ASPIRATION Give me the grace, O Jesus, that by prayer and fasting, and patience in all adversities and persecutions, I may be made less unworthy of Thy passion; that I may not, one day, be cast out by Thee, but become worthy of Thy divine promise and Thy eternal consolation in the heavenly Jerusalem.

Copyright 2014 David Heath - All Rights Reserved