July 27, 2014

Letter to a Dear, But Fictional, Friend...

AUTHOR NOTE: This is the last of a sometimes-series of fictional letters, to fictional friends, enmeshed in a fictional divorce and a fictional annulment that ended with the fictional remarriage of the one fictional spouse and the fictional Faithfulness to their fictional vows of the other. 

Sadly, this story has too many times become the reality for many Catholic Spouses and Families. God Help us...Holy Family, Pray For Us!

Dearest Friend,

So...now you must live what you have promoted. And how hard will that turn out to be? For now you must live all the compromises, all the errors, all the fallacies that have been up to this point. Now must the dichotomy between Objective Truth and your Errors be forever worked, massaged and neutered to make something that should never have been, the positive reality it will never be. I fear it may be a tiresome undertaking for you, for Truth cannot be born of Error, Dear Friend. You cannot make subjective truth be the equal of Objective Truth. Your errors must eventually fall, much like the errors of ancient times fell at the Crucifixion and the death of Our Blessed Lord. Have you forgotten?

Do I believe your second marriage will stand the test of time? I do not know, but truthfully, the facts lead me to believe otherwise. You cannot make a mockery of the first vows - neutering the very core of their meaning - and then expect the second vows to be anything but an unstable nuclear mass contained only by the passions. I fully expect a Chernobyl and have valid reasons for saying so - especially because of the marked affect this has had upon your children, though I hope I am wrong.

Your children... Do you even recognize, let alone acknowledge, the confusion they find themselves in? Do you really expect them to fully and honorably follow the 4th Commandment with regards to a new step-parent, when you have allowed them to so dishonor their True Parent to the point of estrangement? I know for a fact your former spouse's only egregious errors concerning the children was in Parent-Child relationships (something that was corrected long before now, but that has yet to be forgiven by you and most of your children, if I may charitably remind you.) Do you understand what this is doing to them? Do you understand that they violate the Greatest of the Three Theological Virtues - Charity? And with your tacit approval? How can you do this, my Dear Friend?! My Heart pains at the thought, but more so at the unjust and uncharitable actions you have allowed to happen, when it was well within your duty - your Parental duty - to stop it at the beginning! And before it hardened hearts too young and immature to fully comprehend the enormity of their errors!

I apologize for my passionate outburst, but...think about it? Who really is the winner here? You have your happiness with your new spouse and your former Spouse has the contentment of honoring the vows you both made made, as well as the Love for you. But what do the children have? Parental estrangement. A broken home. Dismissal of the 4th Commandment. Violation of basic Catholic Charity. Ignoring a Corporal Work of Mercy. You cannot be so unconcerned as to not think of this...or can you? Can you be so - pardon my bluntness - Selfish?

You know that I have been and will always remain one of your Dearest Friends...we've known each other far to long to be otherwise. But I must tell you that I am firmly in your former spouse's camp on this one. You have been wrong in your correction of your marital troubles and I can never condone what you have done - even as your friend. The cost has been too great and borne the most by those who were least able to bear the burden. And the present Parent-Child relationships are proof of that. Was so much transparency about your marital differences really worth the sacrifice your children were forced to make? Were you that weak that you needed them to help carry the burden of your decision?

You have painted yourself into a corner...I trust you know that? Especially with the children. The first time you come into their presence with a frown or a downcast and sullen expression - or God forbid, tears - the facade will start to crack and it will only get worse from there. So...my advice is that you had better be on guard. You had better mask your features before you hit the front door of your new home. You. Have. To. Make. This. Work. For the sake of your children!  You aren't strong enough, Dear Friend, to face the consequences if it doesn't. I know this, as do your other Friends. Any reasonable person - friend or not - who would read a synopsis of this matter would come to the same conclusion. Regardless, you owe your children this sacrifice. You owe them this honesty. Wouldn't you agree?

I hope my bluntness in writing to you does not break our Friendship, for I value it Dearly. You and your former Spouse have made my life the better, as have your children. I shall miss our evenings together setting and chatting or playing cards. You two were always a joy to be around and I shall always treasure that and the fond memories it will bring.

Write soon...and please pray for me, as I shall pray for you. Your former spouse continues to do likewise for you and the children, just in case you were wondering...and Justice also requires me to add that if the Love had truly been lost between you, there would be no reason to do so. 

Good Luck, my Friend, and God Bless.


Copyright 2014 David Heath - All Rights Reserved

Dusk On A Kansas Lake...

Evening on the lake with friends from work. Pictures taken with my Galaxy S5...

Copyright 2014 David Heath - All Rights Reserved