August 22, 2014

Monsignor Charles Pope: An essay on ugliness of divorce

Monsignor Charles Pope, of the Archdiocese of Washington, has written an excellent article that parallels much of my writings of late. As I wrote in the comm box, " is refreshing to see a priest preaching against the evils of divorce and its consequent negative effect on children, rather than of the "salvific" affect of the former and of its positive affect on the latter."

I have pasted an excerpt or two below that speaks specifically on children, but urge one and all to click over and read the entire article, then spread it far and wide among both your Catholic and non-Catholic friends and/or family.

An essay on ugliness of divorce
By: Msgr. Charles Pope

"...Thus, in the short span of a few decades we have come to the place where many do not see marriage as about keeping vows and commitments or about what is best for children. Marriage is about adults, and what makes them happy. And all of us are just supposed to understand this no matter the effect that it has (obviously) had on children.

In his recent book, Anthony Esolen in his book Defending Marriage, 12 Arguments for Sanity has some poignant observations:

Parents will say, “My children can never be happy unless I am happy,” but they should not lay that narcissistic unction to their souls. Children need parents who love them, not parents who are contented; they are too young to be asked to lay down their lives for someone else. It is not the job of the child to suffer for the parent, but the job of the parent to endure, to make the best of a poor situation, to swallow his pride, to bend her knees, for the sake of the child. I have heard [from those] who still quaver in voice when they speak about what their divorced parents did to them – hustling them from one half of a home to another half, enlisting them as confidants, one against the other, [threatening] them that they may just find themselves a lot less often with a parent they love if they do not do exactly what the [threatener] demands. (and I would add, forcing them to endure daddy’s new live-in girlfriend or mommy’s new husband, who also happens to bring along a strange new step-brother who is hard to get along with and who started touching them in embarrassing places). Children must grow up at age ten so their parents don’t have to. (p. 142)

Esolen also comments on how children often have divorce “explained” to them:

[The Child] must be told that the father, although he wasn’t so terrible, just couldn’t satisfy the mother in some mysterious way, and so bad was this dissatisfaction that she had no choice but to compel her son [or daughter] to live without a father….Adults are wonderfully adept at weaving webs of self-decit around themselves for protection. Children aren’t….They aren’t yet dulled by habit, or by slogans, or by a long history of compromising with the truth, so that what they do see, they see clearly. (P. 138)

Yes, indeed, children are famous for for seeing through the hypocrisy of adults. Their innocence is still shocked by misbehavior and inconsistency."

Stay with it, Dear Friends...Divorce is not worth the cost it requires to gain your supposed marital "happiness". For though you may find your personal "happy place", the contentment you seek will always escape your grasp. 

Copyright 2014 David Heath - All Rights Reserved